east of the sun, west of the moon

2012-02-13T22:57:00.003+08:00

Valentine
by Carol Ann Duffy

Not a red rose or a satin heart.

I give you an onion.
It is a moon wrapped in brown paper.
It promises light
like the careful undressing of love.

Here.
It will blind you with tears
like a lover.
It will make your reflection
a wobbling photo of grief.

I am trying to be truthful.

Not a cute card or kissogram.

I give you an onion.
Its fierce kiss will stay on your lips,
possessive and faithful
as we are,
for as long as we are.

Take it.
Its platinum loops shrink to a wedding ring,
if you like.
Lethal.
Its scent will cling to your fingers,
cling to your knife.

******

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone. May you find love as uncomplicated, as direct, as simple and as frank as an onion moon wrapped in brown paper.

2012-01-25T08:30:00.003+08:00

Rain falls gently on
A vermilion window pane
So beautifully

2012-01-24T19:21:00.004+08:00

The 96-year old lady sat in the corner of the crowded living room, lost in her own thoughts in the midst of the cacophony of Chinese New Year visitng. Occasionally, she would reach out for a piece of guava or pomelo and would offer some pineapple tarts to those around her.

My mum and I walked towards her."Tou Gou [1]," my mum greeted.

The old lady turned and smiled. "Who are you?", she asked with a bewildered look on her face.

"She doesn't recognise us anymore", my mum whispered. "She is quite old you know."

"Do you know him?", mum asked as she pointed to me.

She shooked her head. "No, not really. Forgive me, my memory has been getting worse."

"I'm your youngest brother's grandson.", I said

"Yes, your youngest brother's grandson," mum added. "You remember your youngest brother? You always called him Jia Gong [2]."

Her face lighted up when she heard my grandfather's nickname. She called him corn as he was very tall and thin, like a corn cob.

"Yes I remember Jia Gong! You are his grandson?", she asked.

"Yes I am", I nodded and smiled.

She took my hand and smiled. "Your grandfather was a good man you know. I came to Singapore from China when I was just 10 years old. He was here already before me. I stayed in Tekka, very near to his raincoat shop. Were you born when the raincoat shop was around?"

"Yes, I was", I replied. The old raincoat shop was on the ground floor of a shophouse along Upper Dickson Road, and I stayed on the second floor with my mum and dad.

"Do you remember where is Jia Gong?", my mum asked.

The old lady was silent for awhile and her eyes started to tear as memories of her brother came back to her. "Jia Gong died many years ago..."

And so we sat there as she told us stories about my grandfather; about how she left her village to travel to a foreign country at the age of ten; how she started work as a samsui woman; how tough life was during her time; and how she would like to visit her village again soon.

We left her in the corner of the crowded living room with memories of her long-lost brother. She may not remember me or my mum or the conversation that we had, but I'm glad she still remembers Jia Gong. I'm glad I had the chance to speak to her and the chance to know my grandfather a little better.

Happy Chinese New Year everyone!

********

[1] "Eldest Aunt", or "first aunt" in hokkien
[2] "Corn" in hokkien

2012-01-12T13:45:00.002+08:00

A haiku to commemorate the recent hard disk crashes (at work) and internet down-times (at home).

Sometimes it will work
Sometimes it decides not to
SOEasy, is not

2012-01-02T20:59:00.007+08:00

31 Dec 2011, Quaich Bar

Five hundred, twenty five thousand, six hundred minutes
Five hundred, twenty five thousand moments so dear
Five hundred, twenty five thousand, six hundred minutes
How do you measure, measure a year?
- Seasons of Love, from Rent

*****

For me, 2011 was measured in experiences and friendship.

TH was a great learning experience - picked up new technical skills, learned new ways of thinking, travelled to many different places and made many good friends in the process. I was glad to go back to the mothership, but was very sad to leave the team. I'm happy that some of them moved on to better things, and I'm looking forward to seeing them again soon.

Ah Foo's wedding was the LHZ event of the year! I will never forget the 9 bottles of champagne, 6 towers of beer, snow white and feeling extremely happy at the end of the long day. We're looking forward to the next one! :)

Here's to a great 2012!

2011-12-30T17:59:00.001+08:00

I couldn't stop laughing.

*****

Said Hamlet to Ophelia,
"I'll do a sketch of thee,
What kind of pencil shall I use,
2B or not 2B?"
- Hamlet by Spike Milligan

2011-12-26T20:46:00.003+08:00

In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer.
- Albert Camus

*****

It was a quiet and restful Christmas spent with friends and family - with LHZ at the Pad (and learned a valuable lesson in gift-giving-karma in the process), catch-up with old classmates and friends over dinners and movies. Brought my parents to Amoy Street for porridge, and was glad that they liked it very much.

One more week to the end of the year, and then another new beginning.

2011-12-18T21:07:00.002+08:00

17 Dec 2011. John's Wedding @ Rasa Sentosa

First among the Yoshi friends to get married!

2011-11-28T14:16:00.002+08:00

"How was your honeymoon?", I asked.
"Very relaxing. You should try it some time soon.", CH replied.

2011-11-17T08:33:00.002+08:00

Camomile Tea
By Katherine Mansfield

Outside the sky is light with stars;
There's a hollow roaring from the sea.
And, alas! for the little almond flowers,
The wind is shaking the little almond tree.

How little I thought, a year ago,
In the horrible cottage upon the Lee
That he and I should be sitting so
And sipping a cup of camomile tea.

Light as feathers the witches fly,
The horn of the moon is plain to see;
By a firefly under a jonquil flower
A goblin toasts a bumble-bee.

We might be fifty, we might be five,
So snug, so compact so wise are we!
Under the kitchen-table leg
My knee is pressing against his knee.

Our shutters are shut, the fire is low,
The tap is dripping peacefully;
The saucepan shadows on the wall
Are black and round and plain to see.

2011-10-12T11:46:00.001+08:00

It's strange that these things always happen at this time of the year. I hope this time it'll turn out better than the last.

2011-09-28T22:02:00.001+08:00

"Remember", she said, "we serve the people, not the policy."

2011-09-26T22:31:00.003+08:00

24 Sept 2011, Church of the Holy Spirit

"Love is patient and love is kind", the priest said. Love is also happiness. Not only for Jay and Nicolle, but for the rest of us who were there with them on their wedding day as well. :)

2011-09-17T08:39:00.002+08:00

I'm bulletproof
Nothing to lose
Fire away, fire away
Ricochet
Take your aim
Fire away, fire away
Shoot me down
But I won't fall
I'm titanium
- Titanium, by David Guetta featuring Sia

Another friend going through a rough patch, and yet another getting married in a week's time. Heartaches and happiness; yin and yang.

2011-09-13T22:35:00.003+08:00

"Can I ask you a question?", my colleague asked.
"Sure", I replied.
"Are you a kan tang?"
"Nope", I answered. "Some of my friends think I'm a chao beng."
"Ah," she replied. "We thought so too."

*Speechless*

2011-09-06T22:26:00.002+08:00

Had lunch with Dick and Susan today. It was good to be with old friends and colleagues. Brings back memories from the good old days.

2011-09-04T23:23:00.003+08:00

Will be starting at my new post tomorrow morning. I'm a little apprehensive, but also looking forward to new challenges and familiar faces.

I was going through my old knickknacks when I came came across this poem by C.C. Cummings printed on an old MOF memo. This was one of my farewell presents from the MOF colleagues before I left for Temasek, and I remembered asking for the significance. "It's about being open to new perspectives", they told me. I remembered thinking that it was a good present for someone starting at a new place.

may my heart always be open to little
birds who are the secrets of living
whatever they sing is better than to know
and if men should not hear them men are old

may my mind stroll about hungry
and fearless and thirsty and supple
and even if it's sunday may i be wrong
for whenever men are right they are not young

and may myself do nothing usefully
and love yourself so more than truly
there's never been quite such a fool who could fail
pulling all the sky over him with one smile

2011-09-02T23:31:00.002+08:00

I watched Before Sunrise again. There was this scene where Celine and Jesse expressed their feelings for each other on the pretext of mimicking telephone calls to their friends. I found the scene quite sweet and was surprised that I couldn't recall it. I guess we can discover new things when we re-watch old films.

I also re-discovered old things, like this poem by W.H. Auden that Jesse recited.

But all the clocks in the city
Began to whirr and chime
"O let not Time deceive you
You cannot conquer Time

"In the burrows of the Nightmare
Where Justice naked is
Time watches from the shadow
And coughs when you would kiss

"In headaches and in worry
Vaguely life leaks away
And Time will have his fancy
Tomorrow or Today

2011-08-30T23:02:00.004+08:00

"We usually have a water break at the halfway point", XQ told me as we were getting ready for a morning jog at MacRitchie Reservoir.

"How far is that?", I asked.

"Around five kilometres, thereabouts?"

"Erm," I replied. "Does that mean that we are running 10km today?!"

I thought it was a leisurely jog.

"Haha," she replied. "Yes, around that distance. But don't worry we're not going to the treetop walk today, so not as tiring."

Right.

*****

It was a good run, but slightly taxing. I hope I can still do this often with the current colleagues even after I've been posted out.

2011-08-21T22:58:00.003+08:00

Just came back from my last offsite with the company. It was great fun hanging out with the colleagues - jogging along Victoria Peak, braving the summer heat and drinks at LKF. Also had the chance to know the newbies better - they're a good and smart bunch and I'm sure they'll do very well. Wish I had the same focus and drive when I was their age.

I will miss them much when I leave.

2011-08-09T13:59:00.002+08:00

I turned to the flight attendant and said, "This has been a really tough day. I think I'd like to have a drink."

She said, "You don't mean an alcoholic drink, do you?"

"I certainly do!" I replied. "What kind of Vodka do you have?"

"We have no alcohol on IBM planes. It is prohibited to serve alcohol."

I said, "Can you think of someone who could change that rule?"

"Well, perhaps you could, sir."

"It's changed, effectively immediately."

- Louis V. Gerstner, Jr (CEO IBM 1993-2000), in Who Says Elephants Can't Dance?

2011-07-25T21:05:00.003+08:00

We no longer party to the wee hours of the morning. Instead, we spend our Friday nights by glowing fires, roasted meats and Moscatos.

"We have grown older", one of the boys said. "We didn't even finish the beer!"

Some things remain unchanged. Like our ability to organize ourselves for a timed camera shot, and sng kia's ****face.

2011-06-19T21:23:00.003+08:00

"Are you Korean? Japanese?", the taxi driver asked.

"No, uncle", I laughed. "I'm Singaporean..." Then, I added almost as an afterthought, "...lah."

"Singaporean Chinese?", he asked, obviously not convinced.

I should stop humming that Gatsby tune.

2011-06-08T00:30:00.003+08:00

"How do we constantly refresh ourselves?", I asked an older (and wiser) colleague at lunch. We were talking about general self-improvement and managing our careers.

"Well, there are mainly two things", he said as he looked up from his plate of nasi padang. "First, try to make sure that you go through a steep learning curve every few years to keep yourself on your toes", he said. "Secondly, make sure you expose yourself to different experiences, and try to draw lessons from each of them. More importantly, think about how you can apply each of these lessons in a different setting. Examples include managing people and organizations, as well as responding to changes."

It was one of the best work lunches I ever had.

2011-05-21T16:24:00.001+08:00

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.”
- Theodore Roosevelt

The last presenter went through our combined reflections and ended the course with this quote. It was a good 9 weeks of fun, learning and introspection. May we all have the courage to know both victory and defeat.

2011-04-28T23:50:00.004+08:00

"What do you think will happen if we don't end up together?", she asked. "Are we going to hate each other? Do you think we'll keep in touch?"

He looks down. "I think", he said, "that if life separates us, and we end up in totally different places, we'll always remember when our paths were aligned in this period of time. And I'll be thankful for that. And hope that wherever you are, you'll be thankful too. I think that's the best we could wish for."

- Strangers, again.

*****

Reminds me of what I once said to someone a long time ago.

I'm still thankful for those times.

2011-04-19T00:43:00.003+08:00

It was an awesome surprise birthday party. :) Thanks guys!

2011-03-13T21:54:00.003+08:00

I was inspired by The Budget Song, by La Salle students.

Here is my humble contribution, with some inputs from an ex-civil servant (to be sung to the tune of 12 Days of Christmas):

On the first day of Budget
My Minister gave to me
A speech on the G-S-T

On the second day of Budget
My Minister said to me
We need to have more ba-bies

On the third day of Budget
He made is more easy
By lowering the maid le-vy

On the fourth day of Budget
My Minister gave to me
More innovation cre-dits

On the fifth day of Budget
My Minister gave to me
More stamp dutyyyyyy....

In-novation cre-dits
Less levies
For more babies
And a speech on the G-S-T

Ok I can't think of any more.

*****

Just found out that I will be starting on my new posting right after my secondment to Temasek, and will not be going back to MOF.

I will miss that place.

2011-03-08T23:52:00.003+08:00

Zoukout 2010

All the things I know right now
If I only knew back then
There's no getting over

No getting over
There's just no getting over you
- David Guetta, Getting Over You

The photos are finally out, thanks to Squish. It was a great night of dancing, music, fireworks and free massages (but for the girls only). Super shack out, but in an awesome kind of way.

2011-02-28T22:53:00.002+08:00

Sitting through interviews, making profound statements and having a second chance. Band of brothers, garters and memories from long ago. Of diffused lighting, wet shoes and multiple uses of hair dryers. Dinners by the bay, long chats and Shall We Dance?

It was a good end to the week.

2011-02-21T21:34:00.005+08:00

教练 would approve of the teaching methods employed by Amy Chua. Like 教练, she assumes strength in her charges, not fragility.

Here is an incident I shared on 教练's Facebook fan page.

It was in the winter of 2005. We were training in Tianjin for the SEA Games. It was cold, we were training 13 times a week and I had to study for my finals.

I was feeling lethargic during training. 教练 paused and asked, "are you feeling tired?"

"Yes, I am", I replied. "I would like to stop for a while."

教练 took off his mask, GLARED at me and SCREAMED, "YOU ARE TIRED? I AM EVEN MORE TIRED THAN YOU!"

We carried on.

That's for you 教练 - always pushing us to our limits, and pushing our limits further back.

2011-02-07T23:27:00.008+08:00

We turned our faces into the breeze and admired the towering cityscape as the sounds of our laughter blended with the melancholic tunes of Corcovado.

Quiet nights of quiet stars
Quiet chords from my guitar
Moving in the silence that surrounds us

The sounds of music, touch of the breeze on our faces and reflection of the cityscape on the Bay were perfectly framed within the moonlit sky.

"Do you think they take dedications?", I asked as I gestured towards the band with my drink.

"Worth a try", my friends encouraged.

I took the napkin from underneath the bowl of half-finished truffle fries. "A pen?", I asked. There was a rustling of bags and someone handed a pen to me. "What do you want to hear?", they asked.

I shrugged.

A memory flashed across my mind as the moonlight cast a shadow of my hand on the napkin. I wrote and handed the pen back to the owner. "What did you write?", they asked, slightly amused.

"You'll hear it soon", I replied.

I walked over to the band and passed the napkin to the lead. She read and smiled. "We can try to do this", she replied. "Who is this for?", she winked.

I smiled. "For me", I said. "Just for me. Fly me to the moon."

"We will try", she smiled.

And they did. It was a good night.

2011-01-26T23:03:00.004+08:00

People have been telling me that I look young. Seriously.

The first time it happened this year was at a unit meeting. "The founder of the company is quite young", my boss said. He looked around the table and his gaze rested on me. "Just like Qinghui", he added.

Nice.

The second time it happened was a couple of weeks later. "You don't look like someone who is thirty years old", my Chinese teacher said during our business mandarin class. "Still look like a young boy."

Awesome.

2011-01-21T09:30:00.000+08:00

Frank Sinatra stopped his car. The light was red. Pedestrians passed quickly across his windshield but, as usual, one did not. It was a girl in her twenties. She remained at the curb staring at him. Through the corner of his left eye he could see her, and he knew, because it happens almost every day, that she was thinking, It looks like him, but is it?

Just before the light turned green, Sinatra turned toward her, looked directly into her eyes waiting for the reaction he knew would come. It came and he smiled. She smiled and he was gone.

Frank Sinatra has a Cold, by Gay Talese

2011-01-17T08:53:00.005+08:00

A friend of mine is currently going through a rough patch. I hope I can do something to help, but when it comes to affairs of the heart, it's one of those things that we must all go through and learn to deal with it ourselves.

Hang in there buddy.

*****

There are people in your life who have come and gone
They let you down, and you know they've hurt your pride
You better put it all behind you, because life goes on
Keep carrying that anger, and it'll eat you up inside

I've been trying to get down
To the heart of the matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about

Forgiveness?

Forgiveness
Even if, even if
You don't love me anymore.

- Heart of the Matter, Don Henley

2011-01-03T23:46:00.002+08:00

Reached the halfway mark for the current posting. One more year to go!

2011-01-01T11:55:00.002+08:00

2010 was a good year at work. Was given the opportunity to do something totally different. It was challenging and harrowing at times (especially at the beginning), but I have gained much. I think it made me a sharper person, exposed me to a new way of thinking and gave me the chance to work with many capable people. "Hope we have been good in providing you with challenges", one of my bosses said in an email he sent out on New Year's Eve. It has been good, and I'm looking forward to the second year.

It has been an awesome year for fencing and modern pentathlon. The kids awed us with the performance at YOG, and the fencing team did incredibly well at the Asian Games. We have many plans for 2011, and hope that it will be an even better year.

Other things haven't been that great. There was some pain but nothing that was too much to handle. I think I have learned a lot more about myself. At least something good came out of it.

Here's to a better 2011. Happy new year everyone!

2010-12-29T09:01:00.001+08:00

It's great when the first thought that comes to your mind when you wake up in the morning is "what should I do today?". It's even better when the answer to that question is "go sleep some more."

I love being on long leave.

2010-12-27T20:20:00.001+08:00

27 Dec 2010, along West Coast Highway

Art appears in the most unlikely places.

2010-12-14T22:44:00.001+08:00

"You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She's not perfect - you aren't either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don't hurt her, don't change her, don't analyze and don't expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she's not there."

- Bob Marley

2010-12-11T16:01:00.002+08:00

"Excuse me, are you waiting for a cab?"

I turned around to see a stranger with a phone to his ear. "Yes I am", I replied as I covered the mouth-piece with my hand. "Still on hold though".

"Why don't you take my cab?", he smiled. "I'm going off with my friends".

I caught a glimpse of two giggling girls behind him. "Ah thanks very much", I smiled.

He shook my hand and beamed. "My name is Ben." He turned and walked off with his friends for what is probably a second round of revelry.

Thanks very much Ben, whoever you are. I could have easily waited for another 30 minutes for a cab if not for you. Hope you had a great night. :)

2010-11-28T23:45:00.002+08:00

We went to walas after dinner.

"What's that song," I asked.

"King of Wishful Thinking," N replied. "From the Pretty Woman soundtrack."

It's strange that such a sad song could be sung in a light-hearted way.

*****

I'll get over you, I know I will
I'll pretend my ship's not sinking
And I'll tell myself I'm over you
'Cause I'm the king of wishful thinking

2010-11-17T23:35:00.003+08:00

Notre Dame de Paris, 2010

"For love is like a tree; it grows of itself; it sends its roots deep into our being, and often continues to grow green over a heart in ruins. How inexplicable it is that the blinder this passion the more tenacious it is; the more unreasonable, the stronger!"
- Victor Hugo, The Hunchback of Notre Dame

2010-11-12T01:05:00.004+08:00

"It has been raining since Saturday", the restaurant owner told us. "Quite unusual."

It was been cold, rainy and (at times) gloomy in the most romantic city on Earth. Weather aside, it has been a good trip.

The modern pentathlon congress loved our presentation so much that they circulated our plans to new federations in Latin America for reference. They have also asked us to write a case study on our unique development model. We're extremely happy that our work has been validated by those more experienced than us, and look forward to building on what we already have. Exciting times ahead.

The kids did well in the World Fencing Championships. Ate lots of oysters, drank lots of wine and admired the Eiffel Tower as the sparkles lighted up during the night. Didn't have the chance to do much touring, but hope to be able to do more before this trip ends.

2010-11-09T17:57:00.002+08:00

"You will become crazy if you fall into River Seine."

"Oh," I said. "How come?"

"Because you will be...in-Seine."

2010-11-04T01:16:00.002+08:00

"How have you been?", I asked. "Feeling better?"

She thought for awhile, and smiled. "Lonely, but fun" she replied.

Yes, I thought. I know what you mean.

2010-10-19T08:55:00.003+08:00

Of Keppel Bays, Marinas and martinis under the pale moonlight. Tom yam soups and discovering the difference between chips and mash. Of long island teas, bruised knees and broken hearts. Swedish meatballs, stuffed toy sharks and the perfect magazine rack.

2010-10-03T00:33:00.002+08:00

Was back from a whirlwind business trip - 4 flights in 4 days and each night sleeping in a different hotel in a different city. Tiring but enriching.

A couple of close friends are going through some rough emotional times. I feel sad for them, and wonder if we can ever find love. It's good to be single, we console each other.

2010-09-13T23:18:00.002+08:00

Life has been good for the past few months.

There was enough work to keep me gainfully occupied, but not too much to make me feel overworked. There were a number of interesting opportunities and I've learned much in the past few months. Made new friends at the work place and that made the daily grind much more bearable.

The YOG was a very inspiring experience. I was inspired by the energy of the volunteers and the good showing by our athletes. Made me realize how privileged I was to be part of something so special. I have not been spending as much time as I would like on fencing and modern pentathlon, but this is something I hope to rectify.

Friends have been great. Lots of parties, BBQs and housewarmings. Contrary to popular belief, I have not been cho ayashi.

Sometimes I catch myself feeling a little empty and resurfacing old thoughts from corners of my mind. I'm getting better at filling those empty spots quickly enough before they ever become a problem.

2010-09-09T00:04:00.005+08:00

"What do you want to be?"
"I want to be CEO."
"Not here. Not now."

Okay loh... Back to work. :)

2010-09-01T08:36:00.001+08:00

"Qinghui is the only guy in the team", the boss said. "That means he will do all the drinking."

We all contribute whenever and however we can. :)

2010-08-16T23:23:00.003+08:00

Many things have been said about the YOG opening ceremony, not all of them good. Here are my own views and feelings towards it.

I loved it. I was there to see it live, and I loved every single minute of it.

I danced along with the kids on stage when they sang Tick Tock and I Got a Feeling. I nearly teared when the fireworks came on just as Majulah Singapura reached a crescendo. I screamed myself coarse when the Singapore flag came on stage. I didn't take my eyes off the torch for a single second as it made its way across the Marina in a boat with the canoeists rowing in escort. I watch in anticipation as the final torch bearer lighted the flame, and screamed in absolute amazement when the Olympic flame turned into a vortex. If you cannot see the effect on TV, I can tell you that it was absolutely mind-blowing in real-life.

The fencing kids have done extremely well thus far and have exceeded everyone's expectations.

To those who doubt that Singapore can make it, or that the opening ceremony was a circus, I only ask that you give your own country and our young people a chance to prove themselves to the World, and that you cheer them on as they strive to be faster, stronger and higher. You don't have to be a fan. Just some simple words of encouragement would do. Please?

2010-08-05T00:36:00.002+08:00

We were given 15 minutes to come up with an impromptu presentation on absolutely anything for our course. This was what I gave:

*****

I have a confession to make.

Have you ever gone to Zouk on a Wednesday night and thought to yourself, "who are all these losers dancing to retro 80s music?"

Well, I'm one of them.

Today I'm going to tell you why I like retro 80s music. I like them for three reasons. Firstly, retro 80s music is uplifting. Secondly, it is catchy. And lastly, retro 80s music, at least for me, brings back good memories.

Most 80s retro music I know are uplifting, compared to the newer songs we have today. Retro 80s music were mostly about happy things like loving in the first degree and dancing in the summer rain. Music today is all about whether don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me, or asking her to move bitch get out of the way.

Secondly, I like retro 8-s music because it is catchy. What is music if you cannot sing or dance along to? Have you tried singing Akon? I've tried and it's near impossible.

Lastly, I like retro 80s music because it brings back good memories for me. One of my favorite memories was the Christmas of 2008 when we danced to falling foam and the sounds of Rick Astley.

That's why I like 80s retro music. Next time you're feeling down - try it, and you will find it uplifting, catchy and maybe it will give you some good memories as well.

2010-07-26T23:16:00.002+08:00

Karaoke session from the Malacca trip. We were singing 约定.

2010-07-23T11:07:00.001+08:00

I'm in Malacca now. We're staying at The Majestic (not related to The New Majestic in Singapore). Great rooms, though it's located in the sleepy part of town.

We went Go Karting yesterday. I enjoyed it tremendously, and have been given the nickname "Champion" for my *ahem* aggressive overtaking (aka slightly reckless) and after nearly bumping my Managing Director off the track.

"Luckily you're a secondee and not a permanent staff!", my director remarked.

"All is fair on the race track", I replied.

2010-07-20T23:30:00.003+08:00

I love this crazy bunch :)

2010-07-18T18:49:00.003+08:00

The lights came on. "Please co-operate with the authorities", the DJ said.

After so many years of clubbing, I finally got to experience a real-life police raid. They moved quickly, zoomed into a particular area of the dance floor and seemed to know what/who they were looking for.

"I think you should get your bag now", I told little po. We walked to the bag counter and saw a mass of people building up. The staff at the counter saw the receipt in my hand, took it and went off to look for little po's bag.

"Sign here please", the staff asked. Little po went up and sign on the sheet. And that's when the drama started.

"EXCUSE ME. DO YOU KNOW YOU ARE CUTTING THE QUEUE?!"

I turned to see a slightly inebriated girl giving little po a death stare so piercing it would have made Medusa proud. Oh fuck, I thought. I seriously didn't see any queue.

Animals have many ways of dealing with threats in the wild. There are animals that strike back immediately; some try to scare their aggressors away by flapping their plumes of feathers to look bigger; others have toxic skins that would incapacitate and kill their attackers. And there are those tricky ones that would blend into their surroundings to leave their aggressors confused.

Little po was one such tricky specimen. When faced with the threat of a cat-fight, she blended into the surroundings, looked away and kept very quiet.

"EXCUSE ME DO YOU KNOW YOU JUST CUT THE QUEUE?!", the inebriated girl screamed again.

One good thing about blending into the surroundings is that sometimes other people would come to diffuse the threat without you having to do anything. For us, these individuals came in the form of the bouncer, the counter staff and the inebriated girl's friends who clearly appreciated the superiority of little po's blending-in tactic and could see how, if left to her own devices, their friend would resort to a course of action that would attract the intervention of the law, which was already present in large numbers.

In short, little po got her bag, the threat was removed and I left the club with a newfound respect for little po. :)

2010-07-16T12:57:00.001+08:00

"Brilliance is quite a small company but trading at above average multiples verses its peers", my colleague said.

"Maybe that's why it has...brilliance?", I replied.

"Hahaha...you're working too hard over there."

2010-07-13T22:37:00.002+08:00

I'm happier now.

The photo taking session with the fencing guys relived a lot of good memories and made me realise that despite all that has happened, life is still pretty good, especially when I have that crazy bunch of friends around. I can't wait for the photos. :) Still need some time for myself, but at least I'm fairly confident that I'm heading in the right direction, for now.

After 6 months of trying to figure my way around the deep end of the pool, I finally feel that I'm value-adding at work, even if it's a small amount. Hopefully the pace of improvement will pick up.

2010-07-06T22:45:00.003+08:00

Romance and all its strategy
Leaves me battling with my pride
But through the insecurity
Some tenderness survives

I'm just another writer
Still trapped within my truth
An hesitant prize fighter
Still trapped within my youth

- Sometimes When We Touch

Sometimes it gets a bit too much, but I'm still trying to manage.

It's a beautiful song.

2010-06-29T06:03:00.002+08:00

Woke up at 4am and couldn't fall back to sleep. Decided to get up to clear the backlog of emails from over the weekend; listened to Air Supply; thought about the latest developments from work and how best to navigate and the people I need to speak to; thought about how the fencing townhall energised me at the end of a long workday, and how happy I was to see the kids again and how fortunate I was to be part of this very special community; thought about life and other things; thought about how I should never drink more than two cups of coffee during the day.

I guess it's one of those introspective nights.

2010-06-27T22:34:00.002+08:00

Kites in West Coast Park, 27 June 2010

"Do you want me to run that kite for you?"

His Adam's apple rose and fell as he swallowed. The wind lifted his hair. I thought I saw him nod.

"For you, a thousand times over," I heard myself say.

Then I turned and ran.

- The Kite Runner, Khaled Hosseini

2010-06-21T22:00:00.001+08:00

"Is that the new boyfriend?" I asked. "Why is he hiding in the room?"

"He's afraid of you", my sister said.

"Why? I'm like how approachable loh."

2010-06-18T14:03:00.001+08:00

"Eh Qinghui", the unit secretary asked. "Why are you attending the programme for new associates ah?"

"Erm...because I'm new?", I smiled.

"Wah really ah! Can't tell leh. You look...erm...mature?"

2010-06-15T13:18:00.003+08:00

"Hello, how are you?", Raisin asked. Come out for a drive? We can listen to Class 95."

Raisin came 30 minutes later. "I brought CDs," I said as I got into the car. "Frank Sinatra, Rod Stewart and some jazz. What do you want to listen?". Raisin shrugged. "Let's try Rod Stewart", I said. We stopped at the petrol kiosk and loaded the CDs into the CD changer. Then we started driving.

"Where do you want to go?", Raisin asked.

"Nowhere in particular," I said. "Let's just drive?"

If I stand all alone
Will the shadow hide the colours of my heart?
Blue for the tears, black for the night's fears

We drove from West Coast to the Tuas. Went past empty factories and a convoy of army tanks parked by the roadside. "Them poor things, " Raisin said. I looked at the rows of tired NS boys. Memories of combat rations and mosquito repellents came to mind. "It's only two years," I said. "It'll pass by soon enough."

The star in the sky
Don't mean nothing to you
They're a mirror

We drove from Tuas to Woodlands. We talked about love, life, soft rock and how they don't write music like they used to. "Listen to the guitar arrangement," I said. "It sounds like Scottish music right?"

I don't wanna
Talk about it
How you broke my heart

We talked about wine tours, sappy love songs and why I preferred the jazz version of Time After Time better than the original version. "You should listen to Sarah MaLachlan's version", Raisin said.

If I stayed here
Just a little bit longer
If I stayed here
Won't you listen to my heart?

We drove past Chestnut Drive. "I know a girl who lived here," I said. "We were in the same orientation group. She was damn hot and I distinctively remember her having really nice legs."

"What happened then?", Raisin asked.

"Don't know lah. Too young and foolish.", I laughed.

She dropped me off after two hours of driving.

"Take care yar", Raisin said.

"I will", I replied. Raisin smiled and drove off, with Rod Stewart singing in the background.

2010-06-12T23:27:00.002+08:00

Discovered this song recently. Some of the emotions resonated with me, deeply.

*****

I spoke to you in cautious tones
You answered me with no pretense
And still I feel I said too much
My silence is my self defense

- Billy Joel, And so It Goes

2010-06-10T23:43:00.003+08:00

Thanks pamcakes for the conversation and company; and squisho for the encouragement. Makes coping easier when you're surrounded by people with infectious cheeriness.

*****

Not now, I think. Maybe later.

2010-06-09T23:57:00.002+08:00

"A really random idea occurred to me today", squish said. "That maybe we should start a blog."

And so we begin.

****

"Guys! World Cup is starting! Let get into the spirit and watch a match together!", a colleague said. "Drinks are on me!"

"Erm...get into the general feel of the World Cup, or the alcohol?", I asked.

"Ah, very funny...", was the retort.

The standard of humour gets lower as I get more tired. I should really get more sleep.

2010-06-06T22:33:00.003+08:00

Of dislocated toes, fashion tapes and short skirts. Beautiful skylines, getting confused with kabuki-inspired modern dance and wonderful conversations. Frog's legs, dodgy lanes and mambo along the ECP.

What a great weekend.

2010-06-02T13:11:00.004+08:00

"You know," I told squish over dinner, "I think relationships are like M&A transactions."

"How so?", she asked.

"Well, like M&A transactions, only a small number can be said to be a merger of equals, where real synergies were reaped. In most other cases, one of the following would happen. The acquiring party might either overpay or even target the wrong kind of company. Even if the right company was identified, many other things could go wrong - poor execution or sometimes just plain bad luck. Credit crunch, global meltdown...that sort of thing that's not within your control."

"Hah " she said. "Go on."

"And the best way to protect against the downside risks - those that you can control - is to do a thorough due diligence, and always be willing to walk away from the deal. The party that needs the deal most would be in a weaker negotiating position. And always keep your options open and think about exit strategies."

"This is funny," she said. "Well done. Make sure you write it down somewhere."

2010-05-29T03:43:00.005+08:00

The eastern wind scattered the flowers from a thousand trees
And the stars fell in showers
The streets were filled with fine steeds, carriages and fragrances
Sounds from the flute
Moonbeams reflecting from jade vases
On the night of the dancing dragons

A butterfly in snowy willows and golden threads
She disappeared into the laughter and trail of scents
In the crowds I searched for her a thousand hundred ways
Suddenly I turned
And there she was in the dim lantern light

- Xin Qi-ji, 青玉案元夕 (Jade Green Cup of the Lantern Festival)

2010-05-24T23:25:00.003+08:00

The stars will wheel forth from their daytime hiding places; and one of those lights, slightly brighter than the rest, will be my wingtip passing over.
- Up in the Air

I'm starting to like travelling for work - it gives me a welcome change in working environment, is so far a new experience for me and somehow the act of travelling always gives me the time and puts me in the mood to think.

I don't know what to say yet, but day by day I'm get closer to figuring it out.

2010-05-22T22:28:00.003+08:00

"You're keeping very quiet," OSM said. "Your turn to share!"

"Well, nothing much to share actually", I replied.

OSM smiled. "What is your favourite song?", I asked, trying to change the topic.

"People Change, by Rockapella", she replied. "It's quite sad, you know."

*****

Didn't hear a tone, are you, hello
I never hear a tone, I guess you know
I can't remember what I call to say
I thought you might be home on Saturday
- People Change, Rockapella

2010-05-19T23:15:00.003+08:00

"I know about your scandals!", pamcakes proclaimed.

"I have no scandals. Got no time!", I smiled.

"DON'T BLUFF!", pamcakes countered.

It was great seeing pamcakes again. She always makes me laugh, especially when I least expect it.

2010-05-12T08:42:00.002+08:00

Mr. Churchill, you are drunk.

Madame, you are ugly.

Mr. Churchill, you are extremely drunk!

And you, Madame, are extremely ugly. But tomorrow, I shall be sober.

- From the New York Times

2010-05-10T23:22:00.002+08:00

"Where have you been?", jiaolian asked. "Why are you not at training? Is it because you have a girlfriend?"

I took out my Blackberry. "Jiaolian," I said. "This is my girlfriend."

Jiaolian laughed and smiled.

2010-05-08T17:33:00.001+08:00

All I need is somewhere I can feel the grass beneath my feet
A walk on sand
A fire, I can warm my hands
My joy will be complete

- Asleep on a Sunbeam by Belle & Sebastian

2010-04-24T21:14:00.002+08:00

Royce, Yoshi and partying with the best.

2010-04-20T23:23:00.003+08:00

The three of us stood motionless in front of the display cabinet.

Colleague #1 was the first to break the silence. "We need to do something about this", he said. "It just sits there, staring at me everyday."

"How long has it been there?", I asked.

"2, 3 years perhaps? I think it was a corporate gift", he replied.

"Wah that's a long time", colleague #2 said. "Do you think it has gone bad? They shut the air-con on Sundays...not sure if that's good for it."

"I don't think Cognacs go bad", I said.

"Only one way to find out", colleague #1 replied.

2010-04-18T10:35:00.002+08:00

I/he nodded and stared out into the window, looking at the trail of raindrops on the glass.

"Who are you, really?", I/he asked.

He smiled as pushed his glasses up his nose. I should really stop doing that. Makes me look geeky.

"I am you, and you are me," he replied. "We are one and the same".

"Where are you from?", I asked. "You said you had a long walk. We share the same memories, remember the same events and people, but yet we have different feelings about and interpretations on those same memories."

"Go on, " he/I said. "You're getting there. You always do. It might take some time, but you always get there."

"You're from the future. My future.", I said.

He laughed. "Yes, I'm from the future, but not your future. You make your own future."

"Why are you here?", I asked. "This feels like a Charles Dickens novel."

"A novel yet unwritten", he said. "I have to go."

I stood up and opened the door. "Goodbye, my friend."

He smiled and walked out into the sunset, disappearing as quickly as he had appeared.

The air smells fresh after the rain.

2010-04-17T10:37:00.002+08:00

We sat down and talked into the night, he/I and I/he.

We talked about life and love; living and loving. We spoked about dreams and hopes; dreaming and yearning. We shared thoughts about people and experiences; reliving memories.

It started to drizzle outside the house. "Rain falls gently on the vermilion window plane", he/I quoted from a song. I smiled and carried on, "My life like a paper, fluttering in the wind."

We laughed. "Yes, fluttering papers in the wind and rain", I/he said. "How unfortunate."

The rain grew heavier. "I guess I'll be here for a while", he/I said. "Doesn't look like the rain is going to stop anytime soon."

I/he nodded and stared out into the window, looking at the trail of raindrops on the glass.

2010-04-15T23:15:00.002+08:00

I opened the door to find myself staring back at me. "Hello", he/I said.

"Hi", I/he replied. "This is rather unexpected."

"Sorry I forgot to call", he/I said as he/I walked into the room uninvited. "Do you have food? I'm hungry. And tired. It was a long walk. I saw many things and we have much to talk about."

"But you are me, and I am you", I/he said. "What do you have to say that I don't know about?"

"You'll be surprised", he/I said with that familiar lopsided grin. "We have much to learn from each other. You'll be surprised how much you can learn about and from yourself."

We sat down and talked into the night, he/I and I/he.

2010-04-06T22:14:00.002+08:00

Only regret I had over the birthday weekend was not taking a photo with the fencing boys. Then again they know how much I love them so I guess it's alright. :)

It was great being able to spend time with people I hold close to my heart, and not having to worry about getting called back to office.

A year older, and hopefully wiser. I give thanks for the friendships and wonderful experiences from the year past, and hope for more in the future.

2010-03-28T11:52:00.003+08:00

"I know what's wrong", YL said.

I turned my gaze away from the Marina Bay skyline to give her a slightly amused look. The skies were clear and there was a slight breeze coming in from the sea. "Tell me", I said as I reached out for my second drink of the night. Less alcohol, coffee and more sleep, I reminded myself.

"You need to become more Neanderthal-like. A gentlemen's Neanderthal", she said.

I gave her a look a Neanderthal would have given when confronted with unfamiliar things like flint-stone tools and cave paintings.

She smiled and explained. I listened and I understood.

2010-03-15T20:15:00.002+08:00

"When was this taken?", a colleague asked during lunch.

"Oh this?", I pointed at my staff pass photo. "One week before I started in TH. So I guess that's 3 months ago?"

"Hmmnm", she said. "You look older now."

Hiaz.

2010-03-09T22:26:00.003+08:00

Colleague #1: "Why are you still here. Go home!"
Colleague #2: "Yes, 5 more minutes..."
Colleague #1: "That's what you always say! Quick your wife is waiting for you at home."
Colleague #2: "I know...but work is waiting for me here."

I couldn't stop laughing, for some strange reason.

2010-03-03T00:11:00.002+08:00

The M&A instructor looked at my spreadsheet and shook her head. "You didn't link the cells?", she exclaimed. "You have been very naughty."

"Opps", I said. "But it's only for that row. The rest are all linked."

She looked over at the other sheets. "Okay, good. No more naughty business."

2010-03-02T08:44:00.002+08:00

Words of wisdom from the bosses:

Making an investment is nothing more than a considered roll of the dice.

2010-02-28T23:51:00.002+08:00

It was one crazy weekend. Conference calls from Friday to the wee hours of Saturday morning. Spent the entire Saturday and Sunday in the office working. It was super tiring, but an interesting experience working with people halfway across the world. Hope it doesn't happen too often though...

Survived the first two months.

2010-02-21T20:43:00.003+08:00

"Can I see your phone?", one of the guides pointed at my Nokia E71.

"Sure", I said as I passed it over. He looked at it, nodded and said, "I buy from you. How much?".

"No, my friend", I laughed. "This phone is not for sale. Many photos and telephone numbers. Many memories in this phone."

"Bluetooth them to your other phone", he pointed at my Blackberry. I shook my head and smiled. "This is my company's phone, not mine", I explained.

"5,000 rupees", he offered. Roughly SGD$150. Not a bad deal, I thought. By this time a small crowd of guides, local tourists and policemen had gathered to watch. "No, my friend, the phone is not for sale", I said.

He smiled, handed my phone back to me and went off.

He came back on his motorcycle five minutes later. "My friend", he said. "6,000 rupees?"

I laughed and shook my head. He smiled, waved goodbye and drove off into the sunset.

*****

"Sir, how was the food?", my driver asked as we left the rest stop along the highway to Agra. "Very good or very bad?"

"It was alright", I said. The food was decent, and was somewhere in between the two extremes.

He gave me a worried look. "Very good or very bad, sir?"

I smiled and said, "it was very good". I gave him two thumbs-up to make sure the message was not lost in translation.

"Ah, very good sir", he smiled.

*****

It was a good trip. No, it was very good. Two thumbs up.

2010-02-17T23:09:00.002+08:00

In the dusty garden the water
she carried from the well in the jug
balanced from her black hair
stares back at the moon
from its cool terra-cotta urn.
- Sleepers in Jaipur (excerpt), by Jane Kenyon

India will be a good break for me. To rest and reflect like the water in the terracotta urn.

2010-02-14T21:14:00.002+08:00

"My heart is not lonely or broken", Silje sang as we ran past families and couples at West Coast Park. It was cool and breezy - perfect for an evening run. Silje was in an introspective mood, and I wanted some quiet time to clear my head. "Is not of ice or of gold", she added. Don't be too emotionally detached, I thought. Especially not on Valentine's Day.

"I felt not the faintest flutter, when you brushed my cheek as you passed", Silje sang as we ran past a couple sitting on a stone bench, looking deeply into each other's eyes as the candle on their cake burned softly in the sunset. "Not will I willingly clutter, my life with these things that don't last", she said with a slight disgust. I should really stay away from emo people, I thought. But maybe Silje is right. Perhaps this is the best way. I looked past the couple with the cake and into the sunset and then...

A wave of emotions suddenly hit me. It started small, deep within my guts, and grew quickly to overwhelm my senses. Not now, I thought. I don't get this often, but when it comes it can get quite uncontrollable, and emotionally and physically taxing. And I thought to myself,

I NEED TO PANG SAI. NOW.

I knew gorging myself on those new year goodies was a bad idea. No time for that now, I thought. I need to find a toilet. I looked around, and there was none in sight. WTF, I thought. We spent so much money building park connectors, and nobody included toilets in the plan?!

"Be still my heart", Silje whispered into my ear. "My heart be still."

It's not my heart that needs to be still, I thought. It's my f**king sphincter.

I've never ran so fast in my life. "If our eyes should meet then so be it," Silje relented. "No need to trouble a heart that's hidden where no one can free it, only to tear it apart." I don't know about hearts, but there are certain things that were inside my body that I was trying to hold behind.

"Be still my heart," Silje reminded me again. "My heart be still."

I reached home. Suffice to say that my emotions were not the only things that were unleashed.

Don't make your heart still, I told Silje. Live and experience life. Who knows what will happen? At least you have tried.

Happy Valentine's Day everyone. You can listen to Silje's song here.

2010-02-13T00:17:00.002+08:00

"So how have you been?", JM asked during lunch one day.

I looked up from my bowl of noodles and turned to look at the lunch time crowd at Raffles City. The hustle and bustle couldn't drown the sound of the thoughts in my head. JM caught my gaze as I reached for my glass of water. I took a sip.

"So how is the wedding prep coming along?", I asked her back. "How did the fitting go?"

JM gave me that knowing smile she always gives me in situations like these, and proceeded to talk about asymmetrical straps and the intricacies of managing parental inputs.

2010-02-06T22:44:00.002+08:00

"Eat hot ramen on a cold rainy day," Cyn once wrote on my office whiteboard. I remember feeling quite down from work during that period, and the note cheered me up a bit. Hot ramen has become my comfort food now.

Cyn - Thanks very much for being such a good friend, and for being there when times were tough. All the best to you and Andy! Have lots of fun in London, take lots of pictures and come back often. :)

2010-02-05T13:01:00.000+08:00

Words of wisdom:

There is no such thing as a lousy deal, only a lousy price.

2010-02-05T08:40:00.002+08:00

"What are you doing after lunch?", I asked ShanM.

"Going to get my shoes", she replied.

"Ah ok", I said. "Where?"

"Guess", she shrugged.

"Erm... I have no idea..." Then it hit me. "Oh! You meant Guess!"

2010-02-02T08:34:00.002+08:00

"What. Is. That." colleague #1 asked as we walked past a seafood restaurant along the streets of Penang.

"That's a geoduck", I replied. "It's some kind of shellfish."

"That's a really big dick," colleague #2 added.

"Want to try it?", I asked colleague #1, knowing full well that he's vegetarian. "It's best eaten sashimi style."

"Not in this lifetime," he replied in a slightly deadpan voice.

2010-01-25T06:55:00.003+08:00

"So did you make any new year resolutions?", Cyn asked over tea.

"No", I said with a smile. "Not this year."

She smiled, and gave a knowing nod.

2010-01-23T00:58:00.004+08:00

Looking through recent photos of myself, I realized that I've grown noticeably older over the past year. Nothing gold can stay, indeed.

More sleep and less caffeine.

2010-01-19T22:46:00.002+08:00

...I've been thinking about it, and the poem, that guy that wrote it, he meant you're gold when you're a kid, like green. When you're a kid everything's new, dawn. It's just when you get used to everything that it's day. Like the way you dig sunsets, Pony. That's gold. Keep that way, it's a good way to be.
- The Outsiders, S.E. Hinton

Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.
- Robert Frost